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Recorded in the winter of 2010, the theme of exhaustion loomed over us like a a cloud that threatened to rain but never did. The songs were shaped by forces we can only pretend to understand. It would have been a stronger statement than "A Secret I Can Decode": more abrasive, more disconcerting, more melodious, less accessible. The turmoil was genuine. We were a band born out of a series of miserable circumstances that forced us to find the strength to overcome them. Yet, this record was more trial than triumph.
The first track, "Promises", was also the introductory track for "A Secret I Can't Decode". "Promises" truly belongs here, not in "Secret". It was conceived here, born here, and nurtured here. I had never written a song as simple as "Promises". I won't again, not by choice, but songs like "Promises" are metaphysical gifts that, when presented, you cannot refuse.
A friend listened to "Promises" and told me that it sounded like Peter Murphy. Jokingly, he said we should become a Bauhaus cover band and call it "We Are More Depressing Than You". When I revisited the tracks to remaster them, I heard more Velvet Underground, Joy Division, and Pere Ubu than Bauhaus. If it sounds stereotypically goth, the results were unintentional.
"Pieces" is literally the most embarrassing song I've ever recorded. Subject/verb agreement issues reign supreme here. The mistakes are masked by its peaked production. Adult Contemporary melodies are sweetly strung together under a shroud of shivering noise. The intended sadness comes off more hopeful than I would have liked. The lo-fi production value gives the song fragments of joy. We've played this song a half dozen times live as a selfish endeavour.
"Paradox", "Pictures", and "Perfect" reflect the original direction of the band. We never intended to become an electronic act. The sampling, cheap keyboards, and even cheaper drum machines were seen as tools to provide a atmospheric end. "Perfect", in fact", doesn't have a sample or a keyboard or a sequencer. What it does have are our experimental tendencies littered throughout the piece. The neo-grunge ode, "Pictures", makes sure we don't take ourselves too seriously. "Paradox" makes sure that we recognize how too self-aware we can be. Especially considering how mentally imbalanced I was during the recording process for it.
Chance music is one of our general approaches to recording. For instance, "Pretend" supports the outside ambience of a creaky ceiling fan, the footsteps of kids trying to sneak out of their bedrooms and into the kitchen while their clinically insane father records, the flaws that are not corrected because they weren't intentional nor can they be replicated. "Pretend's" disorienting nature simply reflects the peace we find within our own discord. And our own discord becomes part of our sound.
This was supposed to be our first record; yet, I am satisfied that it wasn't. I do possess one regret. Our lack of identity never presented a crisis. We never had a center. We don't identify ourselves as an electronic band. Our gravitation toward cheap synths and looping programs is just a means. We don't identify ourselves as a rock band. We don't identify ourselves as an experimental band. In fact, we don't identify ourselves as a band. What we are is lost. And without a center, without a direction, and without a way, lost is where we are and where we intend to remain.
A sampler of the sound of the Filipino diaspora, and a field guide to finding defiant happiness even (or especially) as the world burns. Bandcamp Album of the Day May 18, 2020
The luminous minimal synth duo's latest, due in February, is their most carefully constructed and emotionally resonant yet. Bandcamp New & Notable Oct 31, 2018